My friend Beth recently shared photos from her daughter’s high school prom.
One picture immediately caught my attention.
It showed 12 girls standing shoulder to shoulder, smiling confidently at the camera. The photo felt different from the prom pictures I remembered growing up.
So I asked, “Where are their dates?”
Beth laughed.
“These girls didn’t wait for anyone to invite them,” she said. “They decided to go together as friends.”
That stopped me for a moment.
“When I was in high school,” I said, “you either went with a date or you didn’t go at all. When did the rules change?”
Beth replied:
“There was never a formal announcement. It just slowly shifted. Before the pandemic, groups of girls started going together and posting pictures online. After the pandemic, it changed even more. Prom became less about romance and more about connection.”
That’s when I realized something important.
This story is not really about prom.
It’s about identity, safety, and the way people redefine success.
A Quiet Shift Most People Missed
These girls chose to attend prom together.
They did not wait to be asked.
They did not feel embarrassed.
They did not sit out the experience.
Instead, they created a new version of it.
What makes this fascinating is that nobody officially changed the rules.
There was no announcement.
No policy.
No authority figure saying prom should now work differently.
The change happened quietly through behavior and culture.
The same thing is happening with money today.
When the Old System No Longer Fits
When people no longer feel safe or connected to the traditional system, they usually respond in one of four ways:
- They withdraw
- They try harder
- They follow the script
- Or they create a new way forward
Those 12 girls chose the fourth option.
They did not rebel.
They did not complain.
They simply redefined the experience.
They created:
- Connection
- Safety
- Belonging
- And a sense of “enough”
That is exactly what many successful clients do with money.
Understanding Financial Identity
Two simple questions often reveal how people relate to money:
- Do you spend less than you earn?
- Do you feel like you have enough?
These questions uncover four Financial Identities:
Thriving
People who spend wisely and feel secure.
Performing
People who do everything correctly but still feel behind.
Chasing
People who constantly pursue more but never feel satisfied.
Struggling
People who feel financially unsafe and overwhelmed.
These identities explain behavior better than income alone.
Prom Through the Financial Identity Lens
Thriving: “We’ll create our own experience”
The girls who attended prom together are a perfect example of Thriving.
They did not wait to be chosen.
They created an experience that felt meaningful to them.
Thriving clients do the same thing with money.
They:
- Define success on their own terms
- Make intentional choices
- Feel safe moving forward
Performing: “Follow the script”
Traditional prom expectations fit the Performing identity.
Everything may look perfect on the outside, but internally there is pressure and anxiety.
Performing clients:
- Follow the plan
- Make responsible decisions
- Still wonder if it is enough
Chasing: “If I can just get this right”
Chasing creates pressure and perfectionism.
These clients:
- Overspend
- Move the goalposts
- Tie happiness to achievement
No matter what they accomplish, satisfaction feels temporary.
Struggling: “It doesn’t feel safe”
Struggling is often rooted in fear rather than lack of knowledge.
These clients:
- Avoid decisions
- Feel overwhelmed
- Stay stuck financially
At the core of it all is safety.
The Missing Piece: Safety
Why did the group of girls work so well together?
Because they created emotional safety.
They removed:
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of comparison
- Fear of being left out
Financial behavior works the same way.
Clients do not take action simply because they understand a plan.
They act when they feel safe enough to move forward.
Five Lessons for Financial Advisors
1. People want the power to choose
For years, prom was about waiting to be chosen.
These girls changed that dynamic.
Clients are doing the same thing with money.
They are no longer waiting for:
- Permission
- Perfect timing
- Complete certainty
Instead, they want clarity and ownership.
Your role is to help them move from:
“What should I do?”
to
“What do I actually want?”
2. The definition of success is changing
Prom used to focus on:
- Status
- Appearance
- Having the perfect date
Now people value:
- Meaning
- Experience
- Connection
Money is changing in the same way.
Clients increasingly care about:
- Alignment
- Fulfillment
- Peace of mind
Not just numbers on a spreadsheet.
3. Safety comes before strategy
Those girls did not need a better plan.
They needed a better environment.
Clients are the same.
Before people will:
- Invest
- Spend intentionally
- Make major decisions
They need to feel:
- Safe
- Seen
- Free from judgment
Trust changes behavior more than information does.
4. Community shapes behavior
One person going alone might feel uncomfortable.
A group going together feels empowering.
Behavior changes in community.
That is why:
- Couples often make better progress together
- Peer influence matters
- Shared experiences reduce fear
Advisors who create conversations and supportive environments make it easier for clients to take action.
5. They did not lower the standard — they changed the game
This may be the biggest lesson of all.
The girls did not say:
“We could not get dates.”
They said:
“We do not need dates to have a great experience.”
That mindset changes everything.
Clients do not need:
- Perfect timing
- Maximum returns
- The ideal financial plan
They need a version of wealth that genuinely fits their life.
The Bottom Line
Those 12 girls did not change prom overnight.
They simply revealed that the rules had already changed.
Quietly.
Socially.
Behaviorally.
The same shift is happening with money.
Clients are redefining success.
They are creating lives that reflect what truly matters to them.
And the advisors who understand that shift are the ones clients trust most.